It would sound inappropriate or half baked that an unmarried person is talking about the topic of "marriage". But think about it. A person inside a marriage is too engrossed in it and they often fail to sit back and look at it unless when it hits upon them. This happens usually when it is not going right (again in their own perspective). So, does it mean that a person with a failed marriage is the right person to talk about it? Well, they too can talk only about part of it as they would be too critical and biased from one side. So I feel it is better for a person looking at it from the outside to write about it. It could bring part of the story but again from my perspective all opinions cannot be complete in all respects and it is up to the reader to fill in the pieces he or she finds gaps in the story based on what he or she knows or has experienced.
I am often confronted by friends and relatives about the topic of why I am not married yet. Now, we don't have to say much about marriage being a timed event which is supposed to be successful only when one gets into it at the right time and age. It is often looked at as a platform to build a reasonably sized family based on your belief on whether love can be divided into equal measure between kids and parents. It is again looked at as a compromise when you cannot bring kids into the equation. In such a case, each partner has to fill into the void created by this gap and keep feeling inadequate about it till they no longer think it is a important.
Now, looking at the positive end of the picture, marriage is a way to receive and share emotional support, also a means to get your carnal desires satisfied and to receive attention, though many would complain about the lack of attention particulary when two people in love get into a marriage. It can also be a tremendous de-stressor to buffer the stresses that build up at work and in various other interactions with the society.
Am I being cynical about marriage here because I am not into it yet? Well it is tremendously confusing as the married people I have spoken to give mixed feelings about it. Some advice you not to get into it and say they cant come out even if they liked to. Some advice that they are perfectly happy about it while all you realize is that they are no longer their original of how they used to be. Everything you thought was individualistic about them is lost. So, is marriage then about getting yourself a different identity some of which is taken by own liking and some of it being forced upon you? I know of some very strong individuals who would never leave their points of view no matter but who have totally changed after marriage. The only thing that remains after marriage is a person's stupidity which doesn't seem to change even after a marriage.
Some seem to be in total bliss. All they do is travel to far off places and exotic lands but it makes you wonder if they will only be happy as long as they are away from their familiar home surroundings. Do they always need to get to exotic places to feel romantic and happy?
I see some becoming extremely good in their workplace and achieve a lot after marriage, of course after a brief period of lost productivity due to leaving home early or with lack of attention and energy. They seem to perform outstandingly than how they used to. It may be coincidence but I have often noticed in these cases their spouses in a similar profession or position and whether they are competing in a different way with each other to get recognition and a feeling that they are not wasting their lives.
So that is what I understand about marriage so far. More will follow as I gain more insight or form new opinions about it or what could be more worse, start to understand it through experience... Amen.
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